Happy Girls

Best Lesson. "off with their head"

2012-01-24T10:25:00.000-08:00

having a birthday in jan, is pretty awesome for jan blues.

though it's post xmas accompanied by sweet visa bills...but it's still my birthday month!

So here i am 33yrs old in less than 24 hours.

Looking back at my most important lesson this year....

"off with their head"seems a little harsh or a lot harsh, let me explain:

I am prone to being a Worry Wart, wanting to make all parties happy, i exhaust myself trying to please everyone...now i realize the people that i was so worried about, the people or situations i put so much emotional energy into, they really don't care and that's cool. My bad.

So rule of thumb: if they don't care why do i?
Answer: simple, i want everyone to like me, all parties to be happy & no confrontation... ever.

not reality. so "off with their head" meaning forget about it, don't linger there, just move on.

I am a self confessed linger'er.
I like to draw out the anger, pain, complain even throw in a little blame:)
Why? i don't know it's the way i operate sometimes.

so this year,

is about Bliss and focusing in on the people and the things that bring me joy, life is too short to be a Worry Wart.

My formula for Bliss:

moving
be closer to my family and friends this year
I am changing my job up
cooking with Sir Jamie Oliver
study, work at things i luv
be an awesome wife and mom to be...soon i hope:)

33...Bliss Baby.

# 2 of Top Ten Must have's in 2012 - Your "Love Posse"

2012-01-11T09:34:00.000-08:00

My Top 10 Must have’s for 2012

Dohaney Lov’in - Building Your Love Posse

We got love down. When it comes to my family, we may not be many things, however I believe we got love down. “Love” in my opinion is the best legacy to pass on.

The Dohaney love posse is a result of so many people, so many experiences: good and difficult. Some how the powers that be lead the nine of us together, something i am forever grateful for.

So for 2012 must have’s, build your Love Posse, David Wood says

“you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with, environment is stronger than will power”

Who are people/person you can tell anything to and they have your best interest at heart always?

Who can you let down your hair with and be totally silly?

Ever time you think of them your heart is full? They are your love posse.

My Love Posse:

Shout out to the people who made me who I am and who i love so much.

grampie and gramie wenaus, they wore every hat with us kids, I carry a piece of them with me everyday.

auntie Shelley & auntie Karen & uncle Richard: always there for us, like second parents, showed up just at the right time.

grama marie. bonus love.

Steve my future.

My amazing mom and dad dohaney..they are the best parents, unconditional love always, the only language they know is love.

my sibs. Jay, Nic, Jackie, Kate, Steph John. no words can describe the tie i feel to them, i love them so much, it hurts to be away from them.

to who ever is responsible for my lot in life: i am blessed. thx u for this life and love posse.

My Top 10 Besties...#1 - Must have's for 2012

2012-01-10T08:13:00.000-08:00

My Top 10 Best List

#1 Best Book The Magicians Way by William Whitecloud,

it’s interesting reading a book, feeling like every word was written for me.

a little peek into the book i call my “bible”

Seven Secrets of Magic

1. Your thoughts and feeling aren't real

they are an expression of your underlying assumptions in any moment, not a relection of actual reality or what is truly possible.

2. Your focus creates your reality

Your experience in life is determined by what you put your attention on. If you focus on end results you will inevitably attract what you want. If you focus too much on what you have to do to get what you want you end up attracting your doubts, fears and beliefs.

3. Everyone has a heart

Having a heart means you do have dreams, that there are things you love, things that are deeply important to you. An inherent part of the human journey is that at some point you end up putting more energy into protecting your heart than going for it.

4. There is never anything to do but always action to take

"Action" is about taking direct steps, based on the obvious, towards creating what you want. "Doing" is about fullfilling certain conditions you believe necessary before you can get what you want.

5. Structure has integrity

Something's structure dictates it's behaviour dictates its experience. In creative terms, what your attention is focused on forms the underlying structure in your consciousness. The motivation behind what you do in life revels your true focus.

6. You get your energy from a higher source.

As a human being, you have the tendancy to develop fixed concepts about what is in your highest good and where it is suppose to come from. The key to magic is developing the ability to let go of your fixed concepts and open up to the true source of your energy.

This one is my fav...

7. It takes will

Ultimately, your highest source of energy is your own heart. Yet the Paradox is that you are conditioned to protect your heart, a behaviour motivated by fear. Your fears are communicated to you by thoughts and feelings. There can be no sustainable change in your experience of life unless you have the will to choose going for your heart over resolving your thoughts and feelings.

hummm...

My Sad Truth: Mis Representation

2011-11-03T13:47:00.000-07:00

My Sad Truth: Miss Representation

Watch This First:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gkIiV6konY

My Miss Representation

Today I want to take responsibility for my part in perpetuating this cycle. This letter is my sad truth & my commitment to be better.

A letter to “My Participation in Miss Representation”

I realize that most of my life I have struggled with looking good enough, basing my self worth, the direction of my day whether it’s going to be a great day or a crappy day purely on how i feel about my outward appearance.

People say, me included “oh it matters whats on the inside” true at heart, however in my culture, in my experience, that’s bull shit. I am about 100% sure that we women (or maybe just me) come up against at least one of the “Enoughs” everyday...

Am I ____ Enough?

Check List.

Pretty
Skinny
Happy
Sexy
Style/Clothes: Cool
Hair
Make up
Skin
Job
a good daughter/sister
a great friend

The sad cycle that takes place in my mind if I am “On” is almost a superiority...like dam i am prettier than... faster than...instead of gosh i feel great, it’s like a one up on others.

Worse: If i am “off”

If I am feeling my jeans are too tight, i have a break out, i ate too much, someone is better or prettier than me, or I am just having an insecure day, first I am laced with guilt for wasting my thoughts on such foolishness, .....and the truthful horrible part, I will tear other women down because in some crazy screwed up way it’s validating: i tear someone down, to feed myself an ounce of self worth. That is F%^&*( up.

This feeling pretty/good enough, has hindered every part of my life. Especially my relationships with the people i love the most.

Friends: you couldn’t be too pretty, i couldn’t handle it. So I never let anyone get too close.

My sisters: not wanting them to be better than me...(this was a hard one to write because I love these 4 women more then you could ever imagine) I remember my grade 12 prom my little sister Nic coming up to me and telling me how beautiful I looked, I couldn’t believe it, I was always so jealous she was/is so beautiful, she was/is always the bell of the ball. That comment was the best part of my night, for the first time I felt close to her in my teenage years, in that moment I decided to let her in...my own sister I kept at a distance because of my insecurities.

Health: I remember my mom telling me her jean size was smaller than mine: instead of celebrating her amazing accomplishment in weight loss: I became really insecure about food and my body and dabbled in bulimia for sometime. I couldn’t handle the idea of my mom being thinner then me. This has followed me for some time now, it’s something I don’t know will ever go away...but I have great tools to manage my emotional crutch I call food....

My Men: Jealousy. I was always undercover, on guard, I made up stories and would push these guys away or manifest what I was looking for. I was “Courage-less” to ask for what i really wanted because I was embarrassed, I wanted them to think I was this confident Super Women, which I am not at times. With Steve I am working on doing it right, talking to him even when I feel totally un cool.

All the above are for sure things that are a result of my past however I chose to believe and live into my insecurities, focused in areas of vanity instead of diving into my gifts, the activities and people i love. Apart of me feels i wasted a lot of time but I am making up for it now.

My commitment: I can catch my self in these cycles now, I had to change, or I would have let my insecurities push away everything I love. Everyday I work on the things I love to do that bring me joy, I work on being vulnerable and truthful. The goal I am focused on now is to laugh more:)

If one person can read this and start to make little changes...awesome.

Happy Confident Women = Confident Representation

Love to hear if you are a tich crazy like me...:) xoxoxoxo

Creating a new REPRESENTATION,

Michelle

Sept "Action Required"

2011-08-31T11:10:00.000-07:00

Back to School

Back to You.

Their is something about the Back to School season that inspires me to change things up, even more so than New Year’s. September for me is invigorating, the new morning chill in the air that whispers “Michelle it’s time to get off the beach...”

September 2010 to September 2011 was a year of awesome and sometimes tough change:

making great girlfriends
bawling my face off at Nic and Bill’s place... x 10
connecting with old friends and diving into my family
breaking up
moving out
learning to enjoy my space
taking posture: being true to myself
taking responsibility for myself..yikes
getting stood-up in Paris, jerk.
committing to a new career that scared me
falling in love and being smart about it....not “you complete me” I discovered “I complete me”

practicing being more present (started yoga)

A year of “getting back to me”, not that i want to ever go “backwards”, let me illustrate this...

Have you ever.....

Got lost in your work, and over time it defines you, if you weren’t working you didn’t feel “valuable”.

Got lost in your Family Responsibilities, your last on your list... The guilt of doing something for yourself or taking time for yourself when you know their is 10 other things on your “list” ....it’s just not worth it?

Got Lost in your Relationship it became a little robotic, your good business partners or good parents and friends....but are not making the time to nurture your relationship as a couple?

Well the above was pretty much me for a while...and I take full responsibility for that.

Last September I decided to start making little shifts to get “back to” or move forward to what made me happy, and soon enough my life followed. I now have a rhythm to my life that was not their before.I believe it’s because I am now making choices not out of fear or obligation, but choices that make me feel happy, that are good for my heart.

For sure some tears, some heart ache with every Yin was a Yang...but so worth it, the little “stings” that change brought on wore away and I got stronger, more confident and happier.

In the spirit of September and getting back into balance if your feeling a little off, I have a little gift for you inspired by my yoga studio I want to Gift you/us a “30 days of getting back to you”

For the next 30 days, and everyday for 30 days, give yourself a gift, practice having fun with you, doing things you love.

Ideas:

Listen to your favorite song, dance baby!
Go for a walk, hike, bike, play some basketball, golf, volleyball, bowling, long run, slow/reflective nature walk
Play Go Fish with your family, Drive in movie?
Meditate, Watch a “chick flick”
Skype with an old friend
Shop or borrow a new scarf or piece of clothing
Devour some ice cream, treats, cookie...in moderation:)
Spa, sing, dance, snuggle up to a good book and a cup of tea,
Call a friend you haven’t made time for but want too, journal, stretch
Scream “I LOVE U” really loud to your spouse, in the mirror to yourself or to your kiddes
Write a beautiful post it note, email or even letter to someone to say thank you, or put a note in your kids lunch box:)
Make your favorite dinner, better yet have your family make you dinner

........and so on.

For 30 days everyday do something big or small and meaningful that you love, that serves you.

*What you will need for 30 day Challenge

A Calendar: Posted somewhere visible so you will see it everyday. Everyday write in your “for me”

I would love to hear what you doing “to get back to you”....you can Facebook me any time:)

Happy September

michelle leet-dohaney

www.happygirlsforlife.com

info@happygirlsforlife.com

Pema Chodron... Rockin My World

2010-09-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

"The peace that we are looking for is not peace that crumbles as soon as there is difficulty or chaos.
Peace isn't an experience free from challenges, free of rough and smooth, it's an experience that's expansive enough to include all that arises without feeling threatened." Pema Chodron

amazing....

Victim Addiction......

2010-05-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

The victim addiction

I find it astonishing and frustrating to see people I have known for years stuck in the same story they complained about 5 years ago. I like to call it the Victim Addiction. It’s like day time television drama, you can turn it on 2 years later and the same story line is still playing.

My question is why don’t we chose to move on, what wallow in the old stories? In my non expert opinion: it gives us an excuse to play small, to not be courageous.

Then I point the finger back to me, the lady on the pedestal. Oh yes it's actually about me, why haven’t I gone after my dreams fully? Why am I not being courageous?

Well, it’s easy to make excuses, I can say “I don’t have the time because of David’s position” or “our lifestyle is too full already or I have to be available for the kids..which are all important things however in the words of Elaine “yadda yadda, yadda” Enough excuses.

My truth is I have not gone for it because I haven’t had the courage to step up. I choose to perpetuate my half in half out loose commitment to keep myself safe. Fail proof.

As a result I am half satisfied and half struggling between going after my dreams and what I feel I am capable of and living into a story of regret, hiding behind the excuses.

Well now I am going for it. I have decided life is too short. I am 31.

What have I found so far - Being courageous for me is a daily practice. As my business is building and these beautiful women flow into my life , I am beyond greatful but still tested by my old stories.

The No’s build my “How bad do I want my dreams” muscle and try to take me back to playing small and safe... I remind myself to Seize the Day, and I am worth it...and all us women are worth it.

XOXOOX M

Taking the Bull By the horns! Ladies Check this out!

2010-04-20T09:00:00.001-07:00

http://event.happygirlsforlife.com/ First event! Happy Girls is where it's at!

Shaking up the Tunnel Vision

2010-04-13T12:57:00.000-07:00

When I wake up in the morning my first thought is usually work - I start my checklist, The "What do i need to get done today to Achieve" conversation.

Almost like being michelle isn't enough, my measuring stick is the sum of what I get done in day.

I went to Avatar for the 3rd time last night. I am completely in love with the entire movie and the message behind it. The idea of Navi community totally inspires me to slow down and connect with things outside of my "Daily Routine"

So in taking my Avatar inspiration to the streets the first thing I did this morning was go outside in my backyard and take a breath, I closed my eyes and thought about how greatful I am to live in BC to breath our spring air, I thought about my family and how lucky I am to love them. Anyhoo it was nice to shake up my routine and shift my focus a little bit:) Try it! XOXOXO

R U Going down in flames? Happy Girls:)

2010-03-02T14:58:00.000-08:00

oh my comfort zone, how i clutch to it like a section cup on a wet surface.

You know when somethings not right or your heart is demanding more from you but you try to ignore it.

Your going down in flames but your still holding on for something that "once apone a time" was meaningful, made you feel valuable and important and even though it's years later and that feeling is no longer, you still hold on to that feeling in hopes it may reignite and PUFF the White Knight rides in and rescues you from all your troubles...... ah no that doesn't happen.

My sister Kate and I were having a sisterly chat this week and we came to the conclusion - their is no white knight - it's really up to us.

These past couple weeks I have had a what I affectionately call a "Come to Jesus" (my Sunday school teacher said that term all the time, it means: When you see life in a whole new light.)

So these past few weeks, I have been having all these "moments". It has taken a lot of my courage, all my heart, my dark side (which was a first for me) my light side, some hard truths and now I feel some what sorted not fully but some what, and I think that's a good thing.

Interesting: things seem to be happening organically now, I use to resist a lot, not so much any more, lots of cool relationships and opportunities are budding. So i recommend: Take Stock: what is making you happy right now and what can you afford to shift?

Happy Girls - it's a good thing!

D Day

2010-02-23T13:51:00.001-08:00

Today is D day for me. I ready to change.

Olympic Therapy

2010-02-12T14:04:00.000-08:00

Olympic Therapy

There is something special in the air this week.

I must say I lucked out, I had 2 Uh Huh moments this week. Uh Huh moments are when you experience something so great it stirs inside you, its a goosebumps moment, where you mind starts to believe beyond what you thought was possible for yourself.

Uh Huh moments for me are like injecting a happy serum, they take me away from those tougher moments or from whatever doubts or insecurities I am feeling and they totally expand my mind and my heart, and the conflict inside my gut is put to ease.

It’s been a different week for me, lots of great changes happening, but with change always comes a new beginning and that means stepping out of my comfort zone, somedays that’s a little more intimidating then others.

The last 24 hours we have been following the Olympic torch run through Vancouver and we have been listening to the stories of the torch runners. AMAZING, people from all walks of life, all of them contributing in some special way to the world, from a kindergarden teacher, to a pro athlete, to a father. Very moving. Uh Huh.

My Other Uh Huh moment this week was watching “This Is It” Michael Jacksons final concert. It blew my mind. His talent and creativity totally inspired me, but what I love most, is when he spoke to his crew and to his dancers, he would be making changes, or someone wouldn’t be on cue, he would stop and work with them and say “all for love” L.O.V.E., i love that, its so easy to get frustrated when your producing a show and someone is not getting the creative quickly. Michael did it with ease and grace and whole lot of L.O.V.E. He said in that video that his job and this concert was to help the audience dream...he did that for me this week. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a must see and if you have... watch it again.

Needless to say great "Therapy" this week

Opening Ceremonies start at 6:00pm hope you all get to watch it!

Love your Suggestions, what takes you to that dreamy place, that place can totally shift your emotions from OK to GREAT?

Fat

2010-02-03T10:05:00.000-08:00

The curse of FAT. Those 3 tiny letters have played such a huge roll in my life. It's interesting how much of my time and my thoughts are spent in FAT.

I love when people say Michelle you have an athletic body....what does that mean exactly? I have a broad back, soccer thighs, hummm. I'm not sure if that comment is a compliment or a "you look big."

Now, I am not taking anything for granted here, I am greatful for my body and for my mother's looks, and I take care of and affirm my body everyday, however it doesn't erase my constant need to want to be thinner and prettier. It's interesting when people say I want to look like you when I spend so much time trying to look someone else. I wonder if it will ever be enough?

Do other girls do this? Do you do this?

My first run in with FAT.

I was 14 years old, very athletic, playing 3 sports at one time. I was dating the most popular, handsome, athletic guy in our school, Steve. (to be respectful, I won't use his real name)

Steve and I were standing in the main hallway, hanging out before basketball practise. Just before the bell was going to ring one of his friends walked up to us, Tom. Tom always had something to say, I felt very uneasy around him, I thought he was jerk, he liked to humiliate people constantly. I was always on guard when he was around.

So Tom walks up to us, and says, in front of my new very popular beau "Michelle you look FAT." I wanted to drop kick him right there. I wanted my big brother to come flying in the hallway and kick the S#%^ out of him. Steve, he didn't say anything, I don't think he understood the scope of what just happened, he just walked away.

I felt sick all practise. My mom picked me up and I didn't say a word. I wanted to roll up in ball and pretent it never happened.

Steve called me that night and broke up with me, I asked him why and he couldn't give me a reason. I couldn't believe it, was this because of what Tom said?

I remember being up all night in the bathroom, sick, my big brother would come in and check on me throughout the night, love you Jay.

I didn't know if I could ever go back to school, I had no idea how I was going to recover. It wasn't so much the broken heart as it was the embarrassment. Have you every woken up after being dumped and hope it was just a dream, and then the naught in your stomach suddenly reappears? me fat? I am in good shape or so I thought.

Tom's comments totally rattled me. Fat to me meant not pretty, not pretty meant no Steve and at the time I felt FAT somehow compromised me, my whole identity....I know that's crazy to say but that's my truth.

So I had to figure out a way to fix this - luckily I had the weekend to figure it out.

I was going to a dance the next night, I saved $200.00 to help my mom with our new basketball net, however this called for deperate measures, I took that money and bought a new very Sarah Jessica Parker outfit, or at least I thought it was at the time, I looked good.

We headed out to the dance with my best friend Jennifer and my personal body guard, my brother. I walked into the dance hall and magic.... all eyes on me. We got back together that night.

Steve and I didn't stay together long after that. But the big thing for me was the word FAT - that was the first time I formed a relationship with that word - So from that situation I kind of felt like I always have to be prettier, thinner, faster or just more than. I suppose the question is "for who" who am doing this all for? My man, my friends, family, no, it's this crazy thing I made up, and for whatever reason continues to show up.

What is your FAT relationship, love your share on this!

Dr. Seuss said it best "those that mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"

2010-01-12T13:11:00.000-08:00

Mean Girls and Chocolate Pudding

I am not sure why I remember so clearly the details of my earliest years, however they continue to teach me lessons.

It was my first day of Kindergarten at the YMCA. I was a nervous wreak, my older brother hounded me, he told me that if I couldn’t spell lamp I would fail kindergarten, I was terrified, I had no idea how to spell lamp. I was 5.

I didn’t understand why I had to go to kindergarten anyway, I loved being home with my mom and my two little sisters , arts & crafts, day trips, mom’s cooking and all my toys and books.

Nonetheless my mom said I had to go.

I remember that particular morning, my first day of kindergarten, I had a huge naught in my tummy walking into the YMCA, I put on my brave face and walked into the class room attached to the back of my mom’s leg.

When I first arrived my teacher , Mrs. Henagar put us into groups of four, this would be my group for the first part of the year.

I was sat next to 3 girls, Jennifer, she had long beautiful silky hair, hair I dreamed of having.
Jennifer was playing with one of the other girls sat at our table, Kim, I could tell they were very good friends. Lastly, their was Hawley, she was a little awkward looking but nice enough.

After we were settled in our tables I looked across the room to make sure my mom was still there, thank goddness she was. I wished she could be with me everyday but I knew their would come a time when she couldn’t and it turned out to be the very next day.

I remember feeling hurt for sometime that Jennifer and Kim never asked me to play with them. So finally one day on our lunch break I mustered up the courage and asked them if I could play dolls with them, they laughed at me and said “No! You look like a boy, only girls played with dolls”

I was totally shocked, I had never experienced this before, I wanted ball my eyes out, put them in a choke hold, pull out their hair and run away all at the same time.

I was so mad at my mom for keeping my hair so short. I didn’t know how to respond them or who to talk to I was beyond hurt and confused. Why were they being so mean? I am so nice. Was this how life goes? Do I just eat the hurt and not tell anyone, keep the peace and pretend I’m ok or do I stand up to them, would I get in trouble, would they tell Mrs. Henagar, would that make it worse? I was determined to figure out a way to make it better, a way to make this horrible feeling in my stomach go away.

Then it hit me, I knew Jennifer and Kim loved chocolate pudding, that was it, that was my ticket. I would take Jennifer and Kim a chocolate pudding and they would see I was a really nice person and viola, they would like me, right?

I had my work cut out for me, first I had to convince my mom to buy the chocolate pudding and I couldn’t tell her why, luckily she went for it.

So I walked in to kindergarten the next day armed with my chocolate puddings, a little nervous but relived that I had a solution. The recess bell chimed for our morning snack break and I ran to my school bag to pull my FIX IT, my chocolate puddings. I walked over to Kim and Jennifer and offered them a pudding they happily excepted, they took it! This wave of peace and happiness filled me up. I was completely relieved.

So the next day I walked into our classroom and sat at our table, and nothing, zero, they still ignored me, I could see them whispering and I knew they were talking about me. I couldn’t wrap my head around this, Why were they being so mean and why did I care so much?

The ironic part of this story is that I wanted what Kim and Jennifer had, a best friend, and I was consumed by proving to them that I was worthy of being their friend, even though at that point I knew they weren't very nice girls. Funny enough, not once did I consider Hawley the other girl at our table of four. I judged Hawley just as Jennifer and Kim judged me. Even though I wasn’t mean to Hawley’s face, I am guilty of making up a story about her not being “enough” to be my friend.

I have no idea why Jennifer and Kim didn’t like me and it really doesn’t matter what matters is my focus. I have spent way too much time handing out chocolate pudding throughout my life, trying to prove my worth and that I’m enough to the wrong people.

Part of my 2010 goals is my commitment to re-discover good girl friends, friends I can share and dream with on a really authentic level.

No More Chocolate Pudding…..